Fakers Never Prosper
by Saerphe
Summary: Finn tries to fake being sick to get out of his chores. But will the healer Weaverbird buy it? Of course not! Chaos ensues as Weaverbird decides to teach Finn a lesson. Read and Review please!


**Hello, my faithful readers!**

**This is a little oneshot I've been working on for a while that mostly centers on Finn. This story takes place a few days after the events in my second fic, 'Split Personality'. If you haven't read that one yet, I suggest you do or it'll be a little difficult to understand what's going on in this story.**

**Anyway, enjoy!**

_**Fakers Never Prosper**_

Finn stared at the chore chart and moaned. Piper had assigned him to clean the hangar and the garbage chute again. It was just _one_ practical joke; why did she have to take everything so seriously? He'd already apologized to them. It wasn't his fault Aerrow had run into a python. Or that they had nearly drowned in the Mayan temple. Well, maybe it was. A little. But exactly why Piper had to hold a grudge for so long was beyond Finn.

He looked at Aerrow's section of the chore chart. There was nothing there for the entire week. Finn huffed irritably. He guessed that Piper's excuse was that Aerrow couldn't afford to strain his broken ribs, now that they were set. Finn supposed that Piper was right, but sometimes he couldn't help wondering if she had a thing for their red-headed leader. He wished he could get out of chores so easily.

Suddenly, a little light clicked on underneath Finn's highly gelled hair. Maybe he _could_ get out of his chores so easily. He quietly snuck off to his room so that the other Storm Hawks wouldn't notice his absence. Just because Piper was the best at coming up with plans didn't mean Finn couldn't. Finn grinned mischievously. This plan was perfect. Not even Piper could deny that.

* * *

Aerrow stared around the bridge at his teammates. Everyone was there except Weaverbird. The Dragoness was in her quarters, sorting out herbs. Aerrow frowned and cast his green gaze around the bridge again. Finn was missing too. 

"Has anyone seen Finn?" Aerrow asked, an eyebrow raised. Stork shrugged from his place at the helm. Junko followed suit and turned back to checking the various contraptions, being careful not to trigger any of Stork's traps. Piper looked up from her charts.

"Haven't seen him yet today. If he's not up yet though, I'm going to flay him alive. He shouldn't be sleeping in if the rest of us don't get to." Piper fumed. She was still mad at Finn for stealing her crystals. It was only a joke, but they'd all paid the price for his immaturity. Piper sighed exasperatedly. Aerrow strode to the door of the bridge.

"I'll go make sure he's up." Aerrow replied, stretching a little. Piper stood and joined him.

"I'm coming too." Aerrow shrugged in an 'if you like' way and the two Storm Hawks headed towards Finn's quarters together.

* * *

There came a knock on Finn's door. '_That's my queue._' The sharpshooter thought, getting into character. 

He let a small moan escape him and muttered, "Come in." The door opened and Aerrow and Piper stepped in. Piper put her (bandaged) hands on her hips; the action that always preceded a lecture. Finn sat up in bed, rubbing his temples.

"Finn, why aren't you up yet?" Piper asked. She was about to say more, but Finn cut her off with a small groan.

"I'm not feelin' so good today. I think I must be coming down with something." Piper shot the wingman a skeptical look. Aerrow raised an eyebrow, but was obviously concerned.

"Maybe you should go see Weaverbird. If you're sick, the best thing to do is get some medicine for it. She's still in her quarters if you want to see her." Aerrow advised.

"No, no," Finn replied, perhaps a bit too quickly, "I don't want to bother her. Weaverbird's got better things to do. I'll just stay here and rest." Finn feigned a few weak coughs for good measure. Just then, Weaverbird appeared over Aerrow's shoulder.

"Who needs to see me?" the Dragoness inquired. Finn blinked in surprise. Aerrow turned to look at her.

"Finn says he's sick," Aerrow replied, "Think there's anything you can do?" Weaverbird raised a bony eye ridge and padded over to the side of the sharpshooter's bed. She lowered her neck until she could touch Finn's forehead with her chin. Finn gulped. '_This is it,_' he thought, '_there's no way Weaverbird will be fooled. I'm doomed to clean the garbage chute for the rest of my miserable life._' Weaverbird's warm scales came in contact with Finn's forehead and he braced himself for a firm reprimanding. It never came.

"Well, he does have a pretty high fever," Weaverbird mused, "I think I have some feverfew leftover in my stores. I'll go and get it. You two had better leave Finn to rest for now." Weaverbird turned, flicking her tail. The three Storm Hawks left Finn alone in his room, dumbfounded that his trick had actually worked.

* * *

"He's going to be okay, right?" Aerrow asked apprehensively. Weaverbird chuckled, her scales rattling softly. 

"He's fine. Finn's not even sick." The Dragoness replied. Piper gaped at her, furious at Finn for trying a stunt like this. Weaverbird brushed a wing along the girl's back, restraining her. Aerrow looked up at the ceiling, exasperated.

"Don't worry. I'll teach Finn a lesson that he won't soon forget. Just play along for now and let me handle this." Weaverbird gave a mischievous smile, her fangs poking out over her lower lip. Aerrow and Piper exchanged perplexed glances as Weaverbird padded down the hall towards the Infirmary.

* * *

Finn stashed his magazine under his pillow when Weaverbird reentered the room. She handed him a glass of vile smelling viscous brown liquid. Finn regarded it, obviously disgusted. 

"I'm supposed to drink this? This is feverfew?" Finn eyed the contents of the glass dubiously. Weaverbird grinned.

"Yes you're supposed to drink it. And yes, it's feverfew," the latter was a lie, of course. The substance in the glass was actually Bitterthorn; the most foul-tasting herb Weaverbird possessed. "Healer's orders." She said simply, flicking her tail. Finn groaned; if he wanted to convince the others that he was sick, he'd have to drink the concoction. Finn plugged his nose and downed the whole glass in a few swallows. He sputtered in disgust, choking as the liquid burned its way down his throat.

"Can I wash this down with anything?" Finn coughed, his eyes tearing up. Weaverbird chuckled inwardly. Finn's stomach clenched as the Bitterthorn hit.

"Sorry Finn," Weaverbird replied with a shrug, "I'd offer sugar, but it makes feverfew useless. You're just going to have to be a man and tough it out." Finn groaned; the herb made him want to throw up. Weaverbird turned and left the room, flicking off the light switch with her tail. Finn couldn't help wondering if maybe getting the day off wasn't worth this after all.

* * *

Finn gulped with dread as Weaverbird reentered his room. She wordlessly laid her chin on his brow again. She rumbled at the back of her throat in an unsatisfied way. 

"What is it?" Finn asked, throwing in a few coughs. Weaverbird sighed sympathetically.

"I don't think the feverfew is working. What are your other symptoms?" Finn desperately cast around for something.

"Um…Upset stomach (which wasn't entirely a lie after the 'feverfew'), and… Erm… chills…" Finn trailed off, desperately trying to think of other symptoms that Weaverbird would believe. The Dragoness nodded thoughtfully. "And muscle cramps." Finn blurted out finally. Weaverbird padded out and returned a few minutes later with a small white box.

"I know something that will help with the muscle cramps," Weaverbird offered, opening the case. She drew out a long thin pin, "Acupuncture." Finn gaped at the Dragoness. She advanced on the sharpshooter, a pin in one claw and several others held between her teeth. Several shouts of "Ow!" echoed through the Condor for the next fifteen minutes.

* * *

Aerrow winced at Finn's cry of pain. 

"Think Weaverbird's being too hard on him?" the sky knight muttered to Piper. She raised an eyebrow at him and he grinned sheepishly. "Never mind," Aerrow shook his head, "don't answer that."

* * *

Finn yelped as the last pin was pulled out. Weaverbird laughed inwardly. Finn moaned in exasperation. Weaverbird took that as her queue to say something. 

"Still not feeling well?" She asked. Finn opened his mouth to retaliate, but a sudden cramp in his stomach cut him off and he moaned again. The stuff Weaverbird had given him earlier didn't agree with him much. He was about to get up to run to the bathroom, but Weaverbird caught his arm and forced him back down. She pressed her paws to Finn's chest and a blue light emanated from underneath. She frowned. Finn moaned, frustrated.

"Now what?" the sharpshooter asked impatiently. Weaverbird shook her head, releasing him.

"It's worse than I thought," was Weaverbird's only reply, "go to the Infirmary, I'll be there in a minute." Finn wordlessly got up and did as he was told, not liking where this was going. He passed Aerrow in the hallway.

"How're you doing Finn?" he asked a genuine note of concern in his voice. Finn huffed.

"We'll see in a minute." Finn grumbled. Aerrow raised an eyebrow but didn't press the matter.

Finn entered the Infirmary and sat down on the edge of one of the beds. He bounced up and down on it slightly, waiting for Weaverbird to return. The Dragoness padded in a few moments later. She waved a paw at Finn and he was forced onto his back. He tried to sit up, but something kept him from moving. Weaverbird came and settled herself on her haunches beside him, a scalpel held in one paw. Finn's eyes widened.

"What exactly are you planning on doing with that?" He squeaked. Weaverbird gave Finn a look that plainly said 'you're not very bright, are you?'

"I have to take out your appendix." Weaverbird replied simply. Finn's jaw dropped. He stared at the scalpel disbelievingly.

"Um… Shouldn't you knock me out before you do that?" Finn asked apprehensively. Weaverbird smiled at him encouragingly.

"Come on, you're tough," Weaverbird had to resist the temptation to purr, "Why would you need to be anesthetized? It's just a waist of sedative." Weaverbird slowly lowered the scalpel towards Finn and he let out a scream of terror. The force that held him on the Infirmary bed lifted and he bolted out of the Infirmary as fast as his scrawny legs would take him. Finn sprinted down the hallway and collided with Aerrow. Aerrow picked himself off the floor, placing a hand to his broken ribs. They ached from the fall, but he was pretty sure they were okay. Finn sat up, slightly dazed.

"Whoa, Finn. Is something wrong?" Aerrow asked, concerned, "I was just coming to check on you and see how you were doing." Finn stared at the sky knight, his blue eyes the size of dinner plates. He lunged forward and grabbed Aerrow's ankles, hyperventilating slightly.

"She's crazy man, she's crazy! I swear, Weaverbird's out to get me! First the feverfew and then the acupuncture… She's gonna kill us all!" Aerrow stared down at his sharpshooter, perturbed. Weaverbird appeared in the doorway of the Infirmary. Finn continued to babble on, really hyperventilating now.

"I'll never fake being sick again, I promise! Just keep that crazy Dragon away from me!" Finn started sobbing into the floor. Aerrow gently shook his ankles free of Finn's grasp and gaped at Weaverbird in shock. The Dragoness shrugged and grinned sheepishly.

"I told you I'd teach him a lesson he won't soon forget." Weaverbird mmrred. Aerrow shook his head; just when he thought things couldn't get any crazier in his squadron, Weaverbird had to come along and prove him wrong. Piper poked her head into the corridor and stared at Finn.

"What happened to Finn?" She asked, raising an eyebrow inquisitively. Aerrow shook his head again and edged out of the hall and onto the bridge with Piper.

"Let's just say that Finn won't be faking illness again any time soon." Aerrow replied. Weaverbird looked down at the sharpshooter.

"Hmm... Maybe I did take it a little too far." She snuffed, tilting her head. Then she shrugged, "He'll recover.

"Eventually."

**Haha! Poor Finn. I especially liked the part about the acupuncture.**

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**Oh, and I'm also working on a comic version of this story that I will be posting on deviantArt. I'll post the link to my DeviantArt page on my profile page, so if you'd like to see the comic when it's up, the link is there.**

**Thanks for reading!**


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